Imagine you had access to a magical pill- a pill that could allow you to change any undesirable trait you had into something more desirable. A pill that would allow you to become the person who achieves all your goals and dreams- someone who is motivated, inspired, and focused every day.
Habits are that magical pill.
Habits are what will take you from mediocrity to excellence.
Habits are what will help you become that person you see in your mind.
Sounds simple, doesn't it? Build a bunch of habits and live happily ever after, right? Wrong.
The Problem
Building better habits is not an easy process and definitely not simple. We all have different habits that work in very different ways. It would be futile to assume that our habits are formed, get triggered, and can be changed in the same way as everyone else.
This really isn't the case. Our differences have a huge impact on our habit formation which is why building better habits can take a long time, a lot of effort, and a bucket load of willpower.
But building better habits can be a rewarding process, especially if the habits you are trying to create have the potential to completely transform your life.
As amazing as that sounds, time and again most people make the same mistakes when it comes to building better habits. These 3 mistakes can be the make or break of your habit change journey so let's dive deeper into the rabbit hole, and see what they are and how you can prevent them.
1. Trying To Change Too Much At Once
We all know how it begins, you read an empowering self-development book, listen to a motivating podcast, or maybe have an inspiring conversation with a friend. Whatever the case you're pumped up and ready to change your life.
You make a list of the habits you finally want to change in your life and you can already smell, hear and taste your success.
You decide to change a few habits all at once, after all, you want this over and done with. Why change one habit when you can do a few and get to the "transformed" version of yourself even quicker. Who has the time to wait around!?
You follow your plan meticulously on day 1, day 2, and day 3 even all the way up to a week. But then the weekend comes around and you decide you deserve a treat or a break, after all, you've done great so far a little break won't hurt, in fact, you deserve it.
That 1 treat turns into 2, which turns into 4, and the next thing you know, you've failed at sticking to any of the habits you decided to implement a week ago.
That's when your brain kick's into overdrive and starts to highlight all your failures, emphasizing why YOU are the cause.
These negative thought patterns in your head start to grow, which then lead you down a spiral of self-sabotage, self-pity, and destruction.
So what happened here? Why did we fail so miserably?
Well, let's examine the train wreck...
You start off motivated, but when the going got tough you defaulted to your old habits, which unfortunately happens all the time. These old habits are programmed into your brain and automatic, so those pathways in your brain are much more powerful than the multiple new habits you are trying to form.
A task only becomes a habit when it is repeated over and over again NOT when it is done only a few times.
In the TEDx Talk on The Science of Habits, Marco Badwal highlights that when you repeat a habit for 1-2 weeks a network of neurons starts to develop and connect together, in the beginning, these connections are weak.
After repeating the habit or behavior for several weeks over and over again these weak connections get stronger leading to the development of an additional layer of fat wrapped around the neuron known as myelin.
The more you repeat the behavior, the more myelin is created, the stronger the connection becomes between the neurons, hence the more likely the behavior is to become a habit.
In this case, consistency is more important than intensity. Repetition of a task is how the brain decides what is important and what needs to be automated and created into a habit.
So trying to create lots of different habits all at once dilutes your focus and effectiveness, which results in nothing being changed.
Starting with a small focussed habit change can allow you to keep your enthusiasm and energy high so you can follow through with the habit. It can also be a clear signal to your brain of a repeated task that you need to automate.
Changing things gradually instead of trying to change all at once leads to longer-lasting and more sustainable results. Start off with the one habit that can make the biggest difference, these are often known as keystone habits.
They are habits that have the highest leverage because they unintentionally carry over into other aspects of our lives.
2. Starting Too Big
Starting or changing a habit is difficult. So start small. Don't overwhelm yourself, or make it easy to quit. Make it small enough so that it's so easy to do you could do it on the worst of days.
When you start small you'll find it easier to stick to a habit which is very important in the beginning.
In The Power Of Less, Leo Babauta says that by choosing a small habit to change "you ensure success because the habit is so small that success is almost guaranteed" these small successes can build momentum over time and provide the fuel needed to tackle bigger and bigger habit changes.
So that keystone habit you chose earlier, break it down and find the smallest thing you can do to make that habit a success. Remember, what I mentioned earlier, consistency is more important than intensity.
3. Not Changing The Environment
At the beginning of starting any habit, things are easy. We are optimistic and motivated and we have something I call "superhero syndrome" where we feel we can do anything. Over time, however, life gets in the way and we eventually start to fall into our usual ruts and routines, life takes over along with all its usual stresses and chaos.
We resort to our old habits and do the things that are familiar and comfortable. After all who wants to be thinking about going to the gym when you've just spent the whole day dealing with a bunch of demanding clients!
This is largely accelerated by our environment, primarily because changing our surroundings is usually the last thing we think of when changing a habit.
As Leo Babauta says on his blog Zen Habits "If you stay in your old environment, your old habits will be much harder to change".
If you try to change your eating habits while still having kitchen cupboards and your fridge full of junk food then you're going to struggle to keep up with the habit. One bad day and it will become very easy to give in to temptation and default to your previous habits due to your environment.
That's when you succumb to that piece of cake sitting on the countertop or that packet of biscuits in the cupboard.
Designing our environment so that it helps us achieve our habit goals as opposed to sabotaging them is a huge factor in habit change.
This is not a one-time process though, there may be many iterations, but over time you will be able to create an environment that not only motivates you but also helps you achieve a sustainable habit change.
It's important to note that your environment consists of the physical environment, social environment, and even your mental environment. Design your environment so that it helps facilitate your behavior change as opposed to hindering it.